I have really been feeling this shift, this resistance, this habitual destructive way of the world digging in to my psyche. I am overwhelmed with the feels.
I have been feeling a huge weight on my chest now for weeks. Sadness and depression have set in. Edges of despair whisper into my heart. Is it my Pisces way again, ebbing and flowing e-motion like waves in the ocean? I am weary from carrying so much sensitivity.
What is to become of this beautiful planet we inhabit? The rainforest being cut down acre by acre. Over population. Animals being abused, hurt, not honored. Our food supplies soaked in harmful chemicals. Drug addiction. Dis-ease. Our water and air being polluted. Our earth ripped open for exploitation-whole ancient mountains scraped down to rubble. Catastrophic floods in Australia. Fires in California. Crime in the cities. The Ukrainian people under attack by a madman. Even here where I live, watching yet another patch of woods cut down to add more sprawl.
And so I stop to breathe. I feel into what I can do within myself to honor, to nourish, to love. It all starts with one person making a choice. I am that one person. You are that one person. Can we sit in this discomfort and notice what we notice? Do we only notice the blaring distress or can we see what's under that? Can we sit in the stillness and witness without reacting with stress and fear? Can we Trust that no matter how it looks it is all happening FOR US?
I am struggling. Is it my ego? Is it an inability to trust the big picture? Am I captivated and captured by drama and what is being fed to my eyes, heart and soul? Is it the collective energies digging in, the tug of war between the so called good and evil? Can I believe that there is a threshold where suddenly love will reach a point that it awakens and harmonizes our Here? Can I hold the vibration and torch of love higher than the fear that is trying to grip my heart? Can I see the higher vantage point of Perfection within the look of chaos? I am exhausted.
As we sit in this space of not Here, yet no longer There, this In-Between, I grow impatient. I want "this" to be over. I want Love to prevail. I don't want to feel "this way" anymore. Not in a way of ignoring or pretending all of these things aren't happening, in a way that I can witness and trust, and release my idea of what "should" happen. In a way that honors I have deep feelings, and begin to allow this internal gripping to soften, loosen, open wider. (Interestingly the spell check checked the word "begin" to "beings"...my spirit guides and angels are so clever. :) I invite you to read that sentence over, replacing the word.)
And so I must begin with me, and I choose to let Love prevail within.
The Wise Woman Way is to nourish. I will be adding quarts of extra herbal simples to my diet- mainly Nettles, Oatstraw, Alfalfa, Red Clover. I will be sitting quietly and stop my obsessive doing- which I am realizing is to cover up the depth of these uncomfortable feelings. I have yet to cry, and the release is building like a flood behind an unsteady trembling dam. Amrit Yoga Nidra every night. Walking every day. And feeling a call to Yin Yoga, a slow and lovely surrender type yoga. And garden season is approaching. Thank Goddess. The Unwinding sessions I offer also help me, as I find myself in hours of sweet quiet and meditation, marinating in Love. The world fades out, stillness reveals. Quiet, healing, breathing deeply.
While I just want to crawl under my covers and try to stop these deep feels, I know that will only deepen and shackle me tighter. I instead will make that choice to help myself.
Turn off the TV/news. Put down the iphone/android. How do you nourish? What choices can you make? The whole world depends on us.
When one of us rises, we all do. Let go of that stuck fear energy and RISE.
Let Love In.
Jai Bhagwan! Namaste! Shalom! Love!